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By most accounts President Obama has failed to bring the type of change many expected when he was elected four years ago. Some feel he has played it safe, and there is a consensus among many that if he is reelected, he will show his true stripes in his second term. If he wins in November, here are a few things we can expect:

(1) Alberto Korda’s iconic photo of dumbass revolutionary Che Guevara will replace George Washington on the $1 bill. Bill Clinton tickling a fat chick will grace the new Arkansas quarter.

(2) In order to cut down on the use of toxic batteries in portable electronic devices, all citizens will have to wear one-foot by one-foot solar panels on their heads when outside. After one-hour of charging in full sun, these “Solyandra hats” will provide enough power to run an iPod for nine seconds.

(3) Fox News Channel will be banned, and all cable and satellite providers will have to replace it with NPR’s new broadcast network. Caffeine pills will be mailed directly to citizens’ homes to keep them awake during their excruciating broadcasts.

(4) Joe Biden will mysteriously defect to Cuba. No one knows why.

(5) In a stunning reversal of fortune, Canada will invade and occupy Maine and apply a crippling maple syrup and oil embargo to force us to accept their protectorate.

(6) The Washington Monument will be covered in tinfoil and an antennae will be placed on its capstone. All Democrats will be asked to make a sacred pilgrimage to the site, surround the obelisk and wish for peace and equality. The new “Peace Projector,” as the monument will then be known, will then transmit their groovy energy to all those squares who just can’t seem to see the benefits of a restrictive socialist economy and bureaucracy.

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