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Mother’s Day is almost here, and don’t just take the easy way out and get your mom some flowers, a bear or a box of candy. You want to give her a gift she’ll really remember.

If your mom is a movie lover, pick up a copy of the 1994 classic, Spanking The Monkey. It’s a heartwarming tale about a young college student, Raymond Aibelli, who has to give up a promising summer internship to take care of his injured mother, played by the alluring Alberta Watson.

Eventually they decide to start banging, which is exactly as cringe-worthy as it sounds. Also feel free to pair the movie with some lacy undergarments or a latex fetish suit. After all, isn’t your mom worth it?

Maybe your mom’s not much of a film buff, but I bet she would like a nice book. I highly recommend The Happy Hooker by Xaviera Hollander. It’s the best-selling memoir of a former $1,000 a night call girl who eventually became New York City’s leading madam. If your mom is an animal lover, she will also appreciate Xaviera’s stories about her pet German Shepherd.

If books and movies won’t tickle her fancy, I bet what she really wants is someone to take her out and show her a good time. I’m sure you don’t want to spend the time and money on it yourself, so let Craigslist do all the work for you. Post your mom’s picture and phone number in the casual encounters section, and just let those lucky guys take care of the rest.