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If you’re bare-backing a fat chick you better listen up. It appears the most common emergency contraceptive pills, like Plan B, Next Choice and My Way, start to lose their effectiveness once a woman hits 165 pounds. And the drugs may not work at all once a woman surpasses 176 pounds.

These startling findings were revealed in an Edinburgh University study that found that chubby gals were more than three times as likely as their slimmer friends to become pregnant after taking the morning-after pill, and this was especially true with levonorgestrel-based pills.

Not to get off track, but kudos to Edinburgh University. While the rest of the scientific community has been wasting their time investigating hoaxes like global warming, it’s good to see someone is still focused on things that matter. Namely, how can you safely bang these pre-diabetic sweethearts without the risk of them producing fat little offspring that will ruin your life.

Men often compare big girls to mopeds, but that’s not fair. You can’t drunk-dial a moped at 2:00 in the morning and expect it to drive to your house so you can screw it.

Nope, these girls are a national treasure, and they should be treated as such. If anything, this study just lets us know we need to up the dose of these magic baby-blocking pills.

Try wrapping a few of them in cheese or fried dough, and feed them to your lady during and after the act of coitus. After she falls asleep, also feel free to pour a few into her mouth and gently work her jaw up and down so she will instinctively sleep-eat them.

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