As an adult I’m not afraid of monsters. I am far more concerned with dangerous minorities and liberal democrats, and every night I do a thorough check to make sure none are hiding under my bed or lurking in the closet.

My daughter just hit that age where monsters are a serious concern, and I laugh every time I check on her before I go to sleep and I see her head is under her blankets. Every kid seems to think their blanket is monster-proof, and if you hide under one, you’re safe.

The other night she woke up screaming because “Bop Bop” was trying to get her. She has names for the different monsters, and this one is only about the size of a small plastic army man, but she says he pokes her. She also once said that Bop Bop used to be a priest, which was weird, but since she’s a girl, I figure she’s safe. I imagine Bop Bop will be far more interested in my son once he gets a little older.

As I was checking her room for monsters tonight, my daughter pulled out a water pistol that she had been hiding behind her bed. When I asked her what she was doing, she said if I found a monster, she was going to shoot it.

Sometimes I really like that kid.