dogface My idiot brother-in-law and his equally stupid wife have decided they want another little mongoloid, but for now Stafford County has one less future welfare recipient because they’ve been having trouble conceiving.

Like most imbeciles, they’re on their cell phones constantly, and according to researchers in Israel, this may be hurting their fertility.

According to their findings, nearly half of all men who keep their cell phone in their front pocket during the day have reduced sperm count. And it turns out that simply keeping your cell phone close to your body, like on a nightstand while you sleep, may still keep it close enough to damage sperm health.

And in case you’re thinking of building a lead codpiece to protect your future offspring, don’t bother. Lead is also toxic to sperm and while it does stop x-rays; it doesn’t do shit to electromagnetic radiation.

Now that we’re getting concerning evidence of cellphones causing everything from brain tumors to sterility, it may be time to start rethinking how we use them.

I no longer keep mine in my bedroom at all, and if I really need to send a dick pick to an old college buddy, relative or casual acquaintance, I break out the Polaroid, take a picture, scan it and email it from my PC.

And while this takes extra time, it does also allow me to reflect on things like, will Nanna find this funny or just get all weirded out.