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The Money Midget – You can fill this life-sized, three-foot-tall plastic midget with dollars, coins or street drugs and set it to twirl around and throw out the goodies while children fight for them.  As an added bonus, it comes with blank handicapping sheets so dads can bet on which kid will grab the most.

The Baghdad Roadside Bomb – Test your kid’s nerves and coordination with this authentic replica of an improvised explosive device.  Can she or he disarm it successfully before the clock expires and s/he gets squirted in the face with mace?  Let’s find out.

Expired Prescription Drugs – We root through nursing-home dumpsters so you don’t have to.  Will you hit the jackpot and get Valium or Percocet, or will you crap out and get an estrogen treatment?  Since we remove the labels, you have to take them to find out.

A Live Albanian – Albania is known as the trailer park of Europe for good reason.  Not only is it the poorest country on the continent, but a large segment of its population is illiterate and will sign anything for a few turnips and some beads.  Thanks to their ignorance, we got a great buy on a large shipment of Albanian children.

Does your kid need a playmate you can throw away if she or he gets tired of it?  Do you just want to teach him or her about slavery with a real-world example?  Whatever the case, you better act now because these things are selling fast.

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