Actually, maybe he wasn't such a great dad

Actually, maybe he wasn’t such a great dad

Emory University researchers just published a study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences which showed that men with smaller testicles and lower testosterone levels were more nurturing dads.

The study found that these fathers were more likely to change diapers, bathe children and stay home with them on sick days, which makes perfect sense because they’re basically women.

Like any normal man, I hate caring for my children. All kids are basically one move away from killing themselves at any given second, and the amount of energy it takes to save them from themselves is exhausting.

I’d even hazard a guess that spanking has nothing to do with disciplining them. It only evolved as a pressure release valve for fathers to let off a little steam so they wouldn’t explode in a homicidal rage all at once.

The fact that our species survived this long is only due to the infinite patience and maternal instinct of women.

On some level most men view their children as really high maintenance pets, but at least with a pet you can throw out some food and trust them to drink out of the toilet. If you leave a toilet unprotected with a two-year-old in the house, they will literally drown in it.

On a related note, I wonder if there’s a business opportunity here. I bet new mothers across the globe would buy a pill that shrinks dads’ nads so they would help more around the house. If there are any out unlicensed doctors or veterinarians out there who want to help make this happen, hit me up.