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cover Psychology researchers at the University of Montreal recently conducted a study that found that men and women have vastly different types of nightmares. Men tend to dream of things like war and physical struggles while women dream of emotional and relationship conflicts.

I guess I don’t really fit this study’s findings because for years I have been plagued by the exact same nightmare.

I’m chained to my kitchen table while my wife describes her day in excruciating detail. I have to hear about her friend’s new job, the snarky comment from her sister and how that woman from accounting screwed up the paychecks again.

Suddenly I remember I have my concealed-carry pistol in my pocket, and I grab it with my free hand. As a wave of relief crashes over me I put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger, but there is nothing but a dull metal click.

The pistol is unloaded, and this is never going to end.

My sleeping cry for help aside, it seems our brains are hardwired differently, and even during sleep most men tend to spend their time focusing on big-picture threats, while women are more concerned by the emotional instability caused by interpersonal conflict.

There’s no word if the Montreal team is planning to continue this line of research, but I would be very interested in reading a wet dream study. For example, do women’s fantasies all resemble the covers of romance novels? And do men’s even have dialogue, or are they just like watching a porno with the sound off?