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I love my guns, but I’m not in love with them. That would just be weird. Have I ever dressed a gun up in a lacy bra and kissed it? Probably, but I do a lot of weird shit when I’m drunk and that wouldn’t even crack the top 50.

At the other end of the firearms spectrum is anti-gun fanatic Michael Bloomberg. He’s opposed to the private ownership of firearms, and he can’t seem to grasp why anyone would need one. The again, why would he? He’s a billionaire. If he needs some extra protection he just hires a few extra security guys. They always seem to be armed with guns, but we’ll just ignore that bit of hypocrisy.

As part of his anti-gun crusade, Bloomberg has attempted to capitalize on the Trayvon Martin shooting by launching an attack on self defense laws. He sees undermining them as a way to indirectly attack gun ownership. After all, this is the same prick who demanded football player Plaxico Burress “be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law” after he accidentally shot himself in the thigh.

I’m not a lawyer, but I believe if you accidentally shoot yourself, that’s your punishment. We really don’t need to waste prison space by putting your dumb ass in there. Then again, I also don’t believe in incarcerating people just to make an example of them to advance an agenda.

For the life of me I also can’t figure out what anti-gun fools like Bloomberg think is going to happen if they do ban private gun ownership. They know it doesn’t work. After Australia banned the private ownership of most guns, their armed robberies increased. After DC enacted some of the most restrictive gun control laws in the country, their homicide rate doubled, when it was dropping elsewhere.

Criminals don’t respect anti-gun laws any more than the other laws they break, and when these types of laws are passed, only law-abiding citizens are affected. Just ask my new Ruger pistol. He agrees completely. You can tell by the big smile I just drew on his frame with some of my wife’s lipstick.