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A quake with a magnitude of 7.4 struck Mexico near the resort town of Acapulco Tuesday causing damage to nearly 800 homes near the epicenter. Luckily no one was killed, and the citizens behaved in a calm, orderly fashion and didn’t simply run into the street screaming and praying for some Saint to protect them.

That’s exactly what they did? Ok, never mind.

Shipments of chicken wire and tar paper are already in route to help the citizens rebuild their homes, and since most of the population didn’t have electricity and obtained their drinking water from the town’s central well, vital services have not been affected.

The local sombrero factory, a lynchpin on the area’s economy, was miraculously spared, and employees celebrated throughout the night by dancing around the oversized novelty hats and firing pistols into the air.

The only real inconvenience is the area’s burro population, which is essential to the transportation network, has been spooked by the frequent aftershocks and refuses to enter the hardest-hit areas. Individuals have tried to compensate by rounding up hundreds of the stray chickens milling around and lashing them together like sled dogs to pull wagons, but so far they’ve been unsuccessful.

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