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William Martinez was just your average 31-year-old guy. He was a police officer in Georgia, was married and had two kids. Back in 2009 he experienced chest pains that went up his arm, and he went to see a cardiologist, Dr. Sreenivasulu Gangasani, to see what was wrong.

Since Mr. Martinez also had high blood pressure, the good doctor determined he was a high risk for having clogged arteries, and he scheduled a stress test for him in eight days.

The day before the stress test Mr. Martinez decided he needed to blow off some steam so he did what any reasonable person would. He had a threesome with a buddy and some other chick who wasn’t his wife. Unfortunately, after having sex “numerous times” Mr. Martinez collapsed and died of a heart attack.

His family then sued because they said the cardiologist should have warned Mr. Martinez not to engage in any strenuous activity, like threesomes, before the stress test. They also felt the doctor should have recognized the seriousness of Mr. Martinez’s condition and immediately sent him to the hospital.

A jury seemed to agree with them, and Mr. Martinez’s estate just won a lawsuit for $3 million. The family was seeking $5 million, but the jury determined Mr. Martinez was 40% responsible for his own death, so the judgment was reduced by 40%.

I think I pretty much speak for all rational people when I ask, are you kidding me? The doctor claims he did tell Mr. Martinez not to engage in strenuous activity before the heart test, but even if he didn’t, isn’t that basic common sense? No one has ever told me not to look up into a tree full of birds, but I still don’t do it because I assume they’ll shit in my face. Ditto for engaging in a vigorous sex romp the day before a heart test.

What’s next? If you need stitches is the doctor expected to put one of those dog cones around your neck so you don’t chew on them? Is someone going to have to wrap our pills in a piece of cheese and feed them to us because we’re too goddamned stupid to handle that task ourselves? Ridiculous.

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