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Teachers, journalists and the government have brainwashed entire generations with their heavy-handed anti-discrimination campaigns. People are terrified of being labeled racist, and even an unsubstantiated accusation can ruin a person’s career. Political correctness has gotten so out of hand that the NAACP recently called the term black hole offensive and urged its ban. I personally think they should have focused on the term black dwarf star and killed two birds with one stone, but that’s just me.

If you want to change society, you have to start at the bottom. No, I don’t mean with bums; I mean kids. If you can shape their attitudes while they’re still little, you can count on their support for decades to come. That’s why I’m releasing a new line of kid’s toys called Klanimals.

These cute and cuddly teddy bears each come with a birth certificate that proves their parents are of pure teddy bear blood. For an extra $5 you can get a notarized copy of their DNA test that proves your cute little pal is free of genes from black or brown bears.

Be sure to place your order now before I sober up and realize this is a bad idea.