otter God is dead. He told me so a few years ago when I drank a bottle of Grand Lake Holy Grail and promptly passed out in the hot, hot sun.

If you want to get technical, he actually said dormant, and we won’t unlock our true potential until we start playing God ourselves and plow our resources into genetic engineering.

One of every 200 men on the planet is supposedly descended from Genghis Khan, and that’s what Jesus was supposed to do.

The Messiah was a genetic gift, and he was supposed to bang every harlot from Jerusalem to Galilee to give our DNA a little shot in the arm, but instead, he just wandered around the desert like some goddamned hippy preaching peace and healing lepers.

Personally, as soon as I found out I could resurrect the dead, I would have raised an army of zombies and plunged the world into a thousand years of darkness, but I’m an insane alcoholic, and that’s just the type of thing genetic engineering could fix.

Instead of spending trillions of dollars to feed and house lunatics and morons, can’t we spend a few billion to maybe make them less crazy and moronic?

Nature vs. nurture is nonsense and muck like eye color or dick size, IQ isn’t learned, it’s inherited. We need to stop these half-measures and get to the root of the problem.

All men weren’t created equal, but they could be, so let’s get cracking.