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During a show in Istanbul this weekend, Madonna decided to remind everyone how gross old women are by flashing one of her saggy, geriatric tits to the crowd of bewildered Turkish fans.

According to security, the people in the first five rows bore the brunt of it, and though their temporary blindness is only expected to last a few more days, the sight of that withered, rotten mammary will haunt many of them for the rest of their natural lives.

Madonna can’t seem to grasp the fact that she’s old which is odd considering she was born in the 1950s. Let me put that in perspective. Madonna is older than both our president and the first commercial jet airliner. The year she was born gas was less than a quarter and a postage stamp was less than a nickel. Hell, the schools in my hometown were still segregated ten years after her birth.

Aside from a few people with a granny fetish, no one wants to see Madonna naked anymore. I take that back, I guess there would be one scenario where a nude Madonna would cause me pleasure.

If she gets hit by a speeding train with so much force it literally knocks her out of her clothes, then I will look on happily. Until then, she should be wearing one of those quilted granny sweaters. Either that or a burqa. Either one would be fine.