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You Talkin’ To Me?



I take great pride in my often negligent and frequently intoxicated parenting. I feel like I’m providing good life lessons for my kids, and I’m teaching them important values like self-reliance and how to cry themselves to sleep at night while mommy throws daddy’s shit out on the lawn.

For the third year running, I thought I had a lock on the coveted prize of “Worst Father of the Year – non-molester class,” but it seems Oghad Singh is making a hard charge at the title.

Mr. Singh is a hard-working marble miner, and like any good Indian dad, he arranged a marriage for his daughter, Manju. Unfortunately for Oghad, little Manju decided she was too good to marry a man she didn’t like, and after a mere two years, she came back home.

She then proceeded to cavort around with other men, and two weeks ago she eloped with one of them. Mr. Singh decided he wasn’t going to tolerate this behavior any longer, and Manju’s actions were making it nearly impossible for him to find good arranged husbands for her two unmarried sisters.

Mr. Singh then decided there was really only one thing to do. He contacted his daughter, had her meet him at home, and he cut her head off with a sword, highlander-style. He then walked through his village holding her head in one hand, the sword in the other, telling everyone what he had done.

I don’t admit defeat gracefully, but Mr. Singh, you won fair and square. Congratulations, sir, you earned it.

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