Slap (1)As I was standing in line at Costco Saturday waiting to pay, a woman asked me to back up. Since the place was crowded as shit, and I was already hot and agitated, I wasn’t really in the mood to humor her.

As a father I deal with moronic requests every day, and I find the best solution is just to ignore them.  

This was no exception, and as she asked me a second time, and then a third I just stared blankly at her tits until she got frustrated and turned around.   

Afterward, as I sat in the Costco Café enjoying my “Very Berry” sundae, I couldn’t help but mull over the situation. Things with that silly twat could have gone much differently, and that’s why this country needs to legalize the open hand slap.

Look, I realize we can’t just go around slapping everyone, and there will have to be some limits. My suggestion is that every year when you pay your taxes, the government will send you a “slap coupon.”

You will then be legally permitted to use that coupon to slap one person over the next twelve months, and if that person hits back without using a coupon, they get an assault charge.

What do you say, government? You make this a law, and I might even start paying my taxes.