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You like dogs, right, Uncle Jang?

You remember the other day when you asked me the definition of irony, Uncle Jang?

If you believe the liberal media, that’s exactly what happened to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s uncle, Jang Song Thaek. According to a Hong Kong based newspaper, Jang was recently executed by being thrown naked into a cage with 120 starving hunting dogs that ate him alive.

What’s next? Will lonely sheep suddenly start sexually assaulting Scotsmen? Will teacup poodles buy socialites and stuff them into purses? Will crotch lice catch Kim Kardashian?

I don’t have the answer to those questions, but there is one I can answer. Who is the luckiest man in the world? Without a doubt it’s Kim Jong Un.

I assume this dog story is a joke, and I have no desire to kill  family members when it’s far more fun to just ruin their social gatherings by telling racist jokes and making drunken passes at aunts and cousins. What I really admire is the fact that this guy could do it and more.

He has the power of a Roman Emperor and thanks to his nukes, he can make his craziest dreams come true and no one is going to do a goddamned thing about it.

He could declare today “Mustache Monday” and force the malnourished peasants in his stupid country to start growing them immediately or face terrible retribution.

Or, he could lure a washed up basketball player to his country to put together teams for an upcoming basketball death tournament.

I wonder if Rodman even has a clue that’s going to happen.