Earlier this week North Korean dictator and dumpling enthusiast, Kim Jong Un, vowed to carry out a preemptive nuclear strike on the U.S. if it appeared his regime was about to be attacked.

He specifically mentioned the U.S. territory of Guam as a target which makes sense because it has a large U.S. military presence and is comparatively close to Korea. A handful of California’s cities have also been singled out, but I get the strange feeling the threats against San Francisco aren’t having the desired effect.

If there’s one city population in America that probably won’t mind being crammed nut-to-butt in cramped underground bomb shelters, it’s that one.

If I didn’t live so close to DC, I’d actually welcome a nice nuclear warhead draining the swamp of political corruption that’s endemic to the District of Columbia.

But, the more I think about it, none of these options are really crazy enough to be North Korea’s plan. I feel like you to have to get outside the box nuts to understand this chubby little bond villain, and that’s why I’m betting on a submarine bomb.

I would wager a thousand bucks that North Korea has at least investigated the possibility of a tsunami bomb but it only takes a few minutes to show the math just doesn’t work. The amount of nuclear material it would take to make a massive wave is just not practical.

If you fill a submarine up with nuclear weapons and detonate it in a confined space like the deep and high sided Columbia river, it may make a big enough wave to do some damage, but an underwhelming wave is worse than no wave at all.

That’s why the smart money is on a North Korean suicide sub jetting directly into a West Coast harbor before detonating it’s payload. And as an added F U, I’m guessing the bomb will be laced with dangerous isotopes to ensure the land is still glowing for the next century.