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Super twink Justin Bieber is wanted for questioning by the LAPD after allegedly roughing up a photographer after he tried to take pictures of Bieber and his “girlfriend,” Selena Gomez. After the incident the photographer complained of chest pains and was taken to a hospital, but he was treated and released.

Let me provide a few additional details here. Justin Bieber is about five feet five inches tall and probably weighs about 120 pounds. That’s less than my wife, which is appropriate because he looks like a chick.

And why is his shoe off? Did he try to hit the photographer with it? That would make sense because women often do that and until someone proves otherwise; I’m going to assume that kid has a vagina.

Look, I can’t blame the photographer for trying to provoke a fight with someone rich and famous so he could get a settlement, but next time pick someone bigger than Justin Bieber. He could get knocked over by a gentle breeze.

Just go follow Tracy Morgan around. At some point he’ll hallucinate, think you’re a werewolf or a chupacabra, and attack you. Trust me; it will happen.

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