Cosby When my wife and three kids are home, I sometimes like to close my eyes and fantasize I’m having a heart attack. As little convulsions strangle my cardiac muscle I refuse to call for help. Instead I smile serenely as death takes me in its indifferent embrace.

For me suicide is just a beautiful fantasy. However, for thousands of terminally ill men and women it’s the only way to end terrible suffering and put an end to a life that’s no longer worth living.

But scumbag Canadian pharmaceutical company Valeant has decided that even the terminally ill aren’t immune from their habit of buying up drugs and jacking up their prices. And now they’ve decided to cash in on the new California right-to-die law by doubling the price of Seconal, a sedative that’s the drug of choice for assisted suicide.

Ten years ago a lethal dose of Seconal was only $200, but its former owner raised the price to $1,500 a dose. And Valeant is now doubling that to $3,000.

The patent on the drug expired in the 90s, but no one makes a generic for sale in America and pansy European companies limit selling other suicide drugs to U.S. customers because we’ll also use them to execute criminals.

Death with dignity advocates have created an alternative drug cocktail of phenobarbital, chloral hydrate and morphine sulfate that can be purchased for about $500, but it takes longer to work than Seconal and also burns the mouth.

The more I think about it, why don’t we just legalize heroin to end your life? I’m also fairly certain Laudanum, a mixture of opium and alcohol is still available by prescription and suicide by laudanum was pretty common in the 19th century. Maybe it’s just me, but being drunk and high seems like a pretty sweet way to go.