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 The first American Civil War didn’t go so well, but that’s because people seceded for all the wrong reasons. Sure, we all know slavery was awesome, but it had a good run, and it was time for it to end.

We should learn from the mistakes of that conflict so this time, things will be different. Instead of states seceding together and forming just another bloated government, all fifty should just go their own way.

It’s actually more of a divorce than a rebellion. We all still love America; we’re just not in love with her anymore.

I expect Vermont and Oregon will form some kind of hippy communes, and Texas will adopt a kind of Libertarian Thunderdome where laws and regulations will be passed by fights to the death between legislative champions.

The whole point is there will be variety, and if you hate one country, you’ll be able to vote with your feet and move to another. If you want one that provides free abortion, you can move to the People’s Republic of Massachusetts. If you want to flee in panic during eclipses for fear that a giant dragon is eating the sun, the great nation of Alabama is probably the place for you.

So remember, instead of voting for the same tired Republican or Democratic candidates, think outside the box and create a new state-based party. After all, you probably can’t do any worse than the guys in Washington.

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