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University of Massachusetts in Amherst researchers determined that babies display racially biased behavior before they are able to talk, and even before they’re exposed to other races.

According to the study, nine-month-old infants who had only been exposed to members of their own race, still expressed racial biases when shown pictures of different races. They were better able to recognize facial expressions of members of their own race and were less able to process emotions shown on the faces of other races.

This study really bothers me. It shows that racial biases are built-in to our species and can’t just be explained away. As a parent I’m concerned that my kids keep up with the other children. Are they doing well in math? Are they reading above their grade level? Now I have to worry that they are at least as bigoted as their peers.

My alcoholism guarantees daily explosions of racial slurs and abuse, but what happens when my kids are at school? Those left-leaning teachers hate racism, and they undo all my hard work. Instead of focusing on the racially discriminatory behavior my child needs to stay competitive, they fill my kids’ heads with nonsense like diversity and respect for others.

I’m not really sure what to do here. I can try to be even more racist, but then I risk my kids just tuning me out. I guess I can dress up like other races, break into their rooms and attack them, but if they figure out it’s me my plan might backfire.

Sometimes I wish being a parent came with an instruction manual.