Earlier this week Kellogg’s decided they were no longer going to advertise on the website www.breitbart.com because Kellogg’s corporate leaders are liberal, and they didn’t want to use their company’s profits to support conservative opinions.
It seems a bit odd that a for-profit company would alienate tens of millions of customers just to push their own political agenda, but it appears the people who run the company are painfully left wing and have already spent tens of millions to advance their leftist world view.
Then, I started to wonder, what if it’s actually worse, and Kellogg’s is literally poisoning a generation of children to make them more susceptible to liberal propaganda.
Normally, I only eat eggs and black coffee for breakfast, but I decided to do a little experiment and ate only Kellogg’s products for three successive days to see if there were any negative effects, and what I found terrified me.
After just a day, I found my strength and anger diminishing, and when I almost backed over a guy in a wheelchair in the Walmart parking lot, I actually got out and apologized instead of throwing a beer can at him and threatening to flip him over for getting in my way.
By day three I had completely gone off the rails, and I was unable to work because I was spending all of my time surfing the Craigslist MFM section as well as crying hysterically for no reason.
Thankfully, a full day of consuming nothing but venison, Crown Royal and Don Seville cigars put me back right, but I’m now genuinely concerned Kellogg’s is using some kind of lab-created fairy dust to turn otherwise red blooded American boys and girls into mincing leftist puppets.