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Seemingly unaffected by the destruction of his secret lair on Spider Skull island, or the fizzling of the Occupy movement, archvillain George Soros has rebounded by implementing his most dangerous plot to date. He has begun funding Islamic fundamentalists to destabilize and ultimately topple governments across the globe.

“I was wrong to spend so much time and money on those Occupy punks,” he said. “All they want to do is shout slogans, do drugs and mumble about corporations. I actually sent a few of them to a gun range to get weapons training, and do you know what those imbeciles did? They called me a Fascist and somehow found a way to use one of the pistols as a bong.”

Soros, or “Weapon S” as he now calls himself, practically beamed when discussing the capabilities of the terrorists he now funds. “Can you believe these guys? You can actually get them to blow themselves up because they think they’ll get rewarded in heaven. I don’t even have to pay these schmucks.”

When pressed for more details, Soros took on a fiery glow, and the shadows of the room seemed to grow larger and more ominous. “Let me put it to you this way. They never did account for all of those nukes after Communism fell, but I know where at least one of them is.”

At this point he paused in classic villain fashion and looked far off into space. “Do you ever go to LA in the summer?” he asked. The people there have such a radiance. It’s almost a glow.” And with those words he was gone.

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