disney wtfAs a libertarian, I believe people should be able to do whatever they want so long as no one else gets hurt. You want to get super high and dance on your roof? That’s fine. Evolution has a habit of sorting that shit out, and the State doesn’t need to get involved.

I pretty much think the same thing about marriage. It sucks a metaphorical and now literal dick, and if you gays want to get in on the misery, have at it.

Unfortunately, now that gay marriage was validated by the Supreme Court, a certain subset of heterosexual assholes have decided to manifest that kind of zeal you only get from religious converts or other impressionable fucks who need someone else to tell them what to believe.

I’m talking about you pricks posting gay-pride flags and other crap on your online profiles and attacking anyone you suspect of being less pro-gay than yourselves.

If you’re really so gay tolerant, then put up or shut up. I demand you get pictures of yourself taking it up the ass from at least three different dudes and then posting those pictures on your little profiles.

Also, these men need to be of different races because otherwise you’re a racist.

If you’re a woman, don’t bother with this unless you’re really hot. All women are one feminist studies class away from dyking out anyway, so there’s nothing to prove there.

But hardcore male-on-male anal – that’s a real test. If you’re truly tolerant, you’ll clench your fists, bite that pillow and take one for the gay team. Otherwise, you’re worse than those guys who tied Matthew Shephard to a fence and pistol whipped him to death.