zombiekit Taurus Manufacturing took a break from making shitty handguns to put together an equally shitty Zombie survival kit featuring what else, their shittiest gun.

The case is called the “The First 24™” kit, and it contains a pistol, some cord, a flashlight, knife, batteries and caddie, a fire starter, emergency signal, compass and case, and this can all be yours for the low, low price of $1,499.

First off, this kit contains the “Taurus Judge” handgun, which may be the worst pistol to come out in the last 20 years. It’s too heavy to conceal and yet too light to be effective. It shoots .410 shotgun shells and .45 Long Colts, but since it has shallower than normal rifling to accommodate the shotgun shells, you can’t hit anything with the .45s.

And just for fun, there are only half the number of pellets in their shotgun shells, but that doesn’t really matter since the low muzzle velocity from the short barrel guarantees that even if you do hit something big, the wound probably won’t be fatal.

I don’t want to get off track here, but you know what’s better than this gun? Any fucking .45 pistol or 12 gauge shotgun on the market. This is a gun that literally does nothing well aside from tricking imbeciles into buying it.

And let’s be honest here. You don’t need a 24-hour kit. You’re not Jack Bauer, and you’re not going to be ambushed by nefarious characters and forced to flee into the hills.

And even if some strange quirk of fate did cause dangerous minorities, I mean zombies, to chase you into the mountains, which would you rather have? A $1,500 case of trash or an assault rifle with a thousand rounds of 5.56 and 500 pounds of rice and beans? They’re literally the same price.

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