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rubber fetus My wife has a friend who used to be a giant slut, but now she loves Jesus and really hates abortion. She hates it so much she gives out little 2-inch rubber fetus dolls to people to show what an aborted baby looks like.

Personally, I’m fairly neutral on abortion, and I have no problem using government funds to provide them if it keeps poor people from breeding. Then again, I find women who are militantly pro-abortion to be so goddamned annoying it almost makes me want to oppose them just out of spite.

Both genders come with their own risks, and if you’re a chick who doesn’t want to get pregnant, take the damned pill. If you’re a guy, try not to put your dick into things where it’s going to cause you problems. I’m looking at you pool jet.

And if you get a 2-inch rubber fetus doll, please don’t let it spark an intense debate where you try to convince everyone around you that your opinion is right and they all need to agree with you.

Instead, do what I did. Throw it in one of the toilets in the ladies’ room, squirt in some red food coloring and wait to see if anyone goes home crying.