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I’m no math whiz, but it seems that Bush and Obama added over $10,000,000,000,000 in debt in a mere twelve years. That’s a pretty amazing accomplishment considering it’s more than the combined total that the prior 42 presidents added in over 200 years.

People claim they had to do it to keep the U.S. safe after 9/11 and to avoid a new Great Depression, but my question is where in the hell did that money go? It certainly didn’t go into infrastructure improvement. I hit a pothole on Route 1 yesterday that was so big it actually broke the emergency gin bottle I keep in the wheel well with my spare tire.

Surprisingly, my trunk now has a pleasant juniper smell, and if anyone wants to make a gin-scented car air freshener, it may be a big seller. You could add a pot-scented one too, and really mess with the cops.

Instead of wasting that $10 trillion in debt on pointless wars, bankrupt green energy companies and an incompetent federal bureaucracy, they would have been better off just writing everyone in the country a check.

There are about 230 million adults in the U.S., and for $10 trillion, the government could have given every one of us $43,400. You don’t think that would have stimulated the economy? I’m fairly certain I would have bought at least ten guns, a crossbow, a pallet of mid-shelf alcohol and maybe even a beater 70s Cadillac.

I have plenty of other great ideas, so feel free to vote for me in November. You could do worse.

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