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Hot1 Thanks to football concussions and the fact that I used to spray my weed with insecticide to give it a little extra pop, I have only fleeting memories of high school. However, I am 100% clear about one point. Under no circumstances would I have banged any of our lunch ladies.

My home county of Caroline is a bit of a shithole, and I’m fairly certain that as a cost-saving measure they used to bring in jail trustees to make and serve the food. Then again, that may have been a Raid-induced hallucination.

However, I am sure that whoever was slinging spaghetti noodles and ketchup didn’t look like that goddess off to the right. That piece of ass is Mrs. Tonya Harris and until a few days ago she was the hottest lunch attendant in El Paso, Colorado.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Harris allegedly threw a pretty sweet party last November where she gave kids alcohol and may have had sex with one of them.

Sounds awesome, right? But the squares disagree because Mrs. Harris was just charged with assault on a child by one in a position of trust and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

I’m no lawyer, but how in the hell is being a lunch lady a position of trust? And not to burst any bubbles here, but no 17-year-old boy in the history of the world has ever been harmed by banging a hot blonde with DD-sized breasts.

And don’t bring up STDs because they don’t count. You can just as easily get them from a fat practice girl or a truck-stop hooker. Trust me – I’m a little bit of an authority on this.