One of the many perks of alcohol abuse is I almost never get hangovers anymore. I may feel tired from a restless night’s sleep, and my beleaguered kidneys and liver may give me a healthy reddish-yellow glow, but dry heaves, nausea and outright vomiting are relics of the past – except for this one magical night.

I like to ring in the new year right, and I find the best way to do that is to play liquor cabinet roulette and drink odd alcohol combinations until I’m fairly certain I shit my pants, but since I’m numb from the waist down, I can’t be 100% sure.

And since my wife frowns on me lying in bed the next day and ignoring the kids on a day off, I need a way to bounce back and at least get near my normal half-assed level of parenting.

Over the years I’ve tried every hangover remedy known to man from burnt toast and honey sandwiches to olive oil shots but there are only two things that really work. You either have to give blood or go to a health food store and buy borage oil capsules and fish oil capsules.

I’m not really sure why giving blood works, but I guarantee you can feel like absolute garbage and an hour after giving blood, you’ll be good as new. Unfortunately, New Year’s blood drives are a rarity, so you’re stuck with the health food store.

Borage oil capsules contain a fatty acid found in starflowers and fish oil is pretty much the same thing but from oily fish, and if you take them both with a nice Pedialyte chaser, the results are real and they’re spectacular.