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The late 70s were a terrible time to be an American. Saigon fell, and our great country had to come to grips with losing the first war in our nation’s history. The news on the economic front was also grim. Inflation was in the double-digits, and thanks to Jimmy Carter’s bungling energy policy, gas prices were through the roof.

America was seen as a chump, and even the third-world Iranians treated us like their bitch. In November of 1979 Iranian terrorists stormed the U.S. embassy in Tehran and held 52 Americans hostage for over 400 days. Carter attempted a half-assed rescue, but that just resulted in two crashed aircraft and the deaths of eight American servicemen.

Then on January 19, 1981 a cleansing wind blew in from the west, clearing the stink of despair from the Carter White House. Ronald Wilson Reagan assumed the office of President, and things started to happen. Mere minutes after he took the oath, Iran freed the hostages. They knew Carter was a pacifist pussy, but Reagan would drop the fist of God on them if they continued with their nonsense.

The economy improved, the stock market exploded, and the slogan of “greed is good” became the mantra for a generation. Our country was firing on all cylinders, and even our most hated enemy, the Bolshevik Russians, realized they were hopelessly overmatched.

Ronald Reagan gave America her pride back, and by his side throughout all of this was his devoted wife and advisor, Nancy Reagan. She remained by him even as he slipped into the gossamer embrace of dementia. She waited patiently until God finally sent his angels to fly Regan to his heavenly perch, so that he may watch over us all.

That’s why I now shout, Heresy! Heresy! Director, Lee Daniels, is planning a movie about a White House butler, and he’s casting Hanoi Jane Fonda as Nancy Reagan. I can tolerate questionable casting up to a point. I’ll suspend disbelief and accept that every fat schlub can somehow get an impossibly hot wife, and rail-thin chicks can throw karate kicks that launch men into the air, but this is where I draw the line. The only thing I want to see that pinko bitch cast in is concrete. You make a movie about that, and I’ll be the first one in line.