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Much like an aging pop star whose best days are behind her, every now and again Greenpeace attempts an edgy stunt to prove that even in an age of stifling environmental regulations, they’re still relevant.

Their latest desperate plea for attention was to train a crack team of six female climbers and have them scale Europe’s tallest office building to protest Shell and the other big oil companies that are drilling for gas and oil in the arctic.

In the end five gave up before making it to the top of the building, but considering how absolutely stupid the idea was in the first place, I like to believe they had a moment of clarity before quitting.

For one, if you look at their climbing gear you might notice something. That’s right, it’s all made from nylon and other man-made fibers that come from oil.

You see those climbing helmets? They came from oil, too. I’d actually hazard a guess these women aren’t wearing or using one single, solitary goddamned item that doesn’t contain processed oil in some form.

And why am I supposed to care if companies are drilling in the arctic? Sure I like polar bears as much as the next guy, but there is a myth that oil companies are ravaging the arctic environment and destroying the seas.

Coastal cities with large populations are far dirtier, and every year Canada flushes some 200 billion liters of raw sewage directly into natural waterways. This sewage contains everything from toxic chemicals to heavy metals, and even the hippie metropolis of San Diego pumps 50 billion gallons of partially treated sewage into the Pacific each year.

Why don’t you guys go protest that? You can train six people to do a sludge swim and have them do a few laps around the end of the sewage pipe.