Tags

, , , , ,

On Saturday Australian surfer Benjamin Linden was savagely attacked by a great white shark and bitten in half. This marks the fifth fatal shark attack off southwestern Australia in less than a year, and the shark that killed Benjamin had been sighted in the area for days prior to the murder.

According to The Sydney Morning Herald, West Australian Fisheries Minister Norman Moore said there’s no concrete evidence that there are more great white sharks, so their protected status should remain. He did say that in light of the increase in fatalities, the government could revisit the issue and possibly allow fishermen to catch some of them.

That’s mighty big of you, Norman, but I still have a question. Why in the hell were these things protected in the first place? I have a fairly simple rule; if something can bite me in half, I don’t try to protect the goddamned thing. I will make every attempt to kill it before it ever gets a chance to eat me.

I’ve seen the acclaimed nature documentary Jaws six times, and I know how dangerous these beasts can be. Five people were killed during filming, including noted shark hunter Captain Quint. If not for the heroic actions of local police chief Martin Brody and plucky marine biologist Matt Hooper, there’s no telling how many people would have lost their lives.

I assume Australia has a navy, right? They need to immediately go on full alert and start patrolling off that coast. I recommend they saturate the entire area with depth charges and kill every single living thing for hundreds of miles. Simply removing protected status from these killing machines is not enough. Australia didn’t start this war, but now they have to finish it.

Share