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In my area there is a public service campaign designed to get kids to go outside and play. Advertisements usually feature some idyllic natural scene and a family frolicking in it.

I hate to burst your bubble, but nature sucks. I don’t even like walking through it to get to my car. It’s either too hot or too cold, and it’s boring. I can control the temperature in my house to the nearest degree, and if I’m not happy with it, I change it. It also never rains in my house, there’s no wind unless I create it, and porn, beer and television are never more than a few steps away. In a way I am God here, and I have created a world in mine own image.

Another thing people forget about nature is that it’s dangerous. According to the National Weather Service, America averages about 55 lightning deaths a year, which is down from 60 years ago when we averaged over 300 deaths a year. Why has there been a decline? People don’t go outside as much because we now have computers and tvs to entertain us instead of having to go outside and play with shit we find in the woods.

I understand nature has a role, and we need a place to plant food and grow tasty animals for consumption. I just feel the less time I spend out there, the better.

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