In a way, God is a lot like your step-dad. Most of the time he ignores you, and even when he does something cool, you’re still not 100% sure he did anything at all.

I like to think mine knew I borrowed his bitchin’ Audi the night I took out fat Carol to lose my virginity, but who knows. The more I think about it he was probably hoping I was sneaking out to drink and do drugs so I would kill myself when I wrapped it around a tree.

That’s why I can’t figure out why these Christian missionaries are contracting Ebola while trying to stem the tide of the disease in West Africa.

How can you reconcile the belief in a kind and just God with the existence of Africa? If you can describe that continent without using the words godforsaken and shit-hole, you have a better vocabulary than mine.

And of course Africa would be hit by a disease like Ebola. An illness that causes victims to puke and crap blood like extras in a zombie movie is exactly the type of affliction that would hit that place.

If anything, I think missionaries should assume God has a personal grudge against the entire land mass, and they should steer clear of it completely.