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The United States has the highest income inequality in the developed world, and the rich now control more of our nation’s wealth than at any time in our country’s history.

But, there’s a problem. Like the old adage says, “You can’t take it with you,” so what’s the point of accumulating so much money if you’re just going to have to give it up when you die? Surely there’s a way you can have your cake and eat it too.

Well super wealthy people your days of having God and the government stick it to you at your demise are over, and I’ve found a loophole.

I got the idea when I was reading about the burials of the old Norse kings. They would often be laid to rest with their servants so they would have a group of lackeys to provide them service in the next life, and that’s precisely what I’m offering.

At your death I will provide you a group of sacrificial victims to wait on your every unearthly need. And don’t be fooled by my competitors who just kill homeless people and hookers. You can’t rely on them, and the last thing you want is to spend your time with a bunch of filthy transients.

Like I promise in my brochure, I only use 100% certified Orientals. They’re polite, hard-working, and they can do everything from cook a goose to build a railroad. Plus, I only use poison to kill them so you won’t be stuck with a bunch of cripples in the after-life.

There may be cheaper alternatives out there, but do you really want to skimp on eternity?

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