1912-napoleonic-egg1I had the most beautiful dream last night. I was a Mongol horseman serving under Genghis’ sons Chagadei and Ogedei Khan, and after defeating a Persian army we invaded Samarkand and looted everything we could find.

As I greedily stuffed spices, gold, and precious jewels into my bag, I felt a profound sense of joy and contentment that stayed with me even after I awoke. And I can’t wait to make that wonderful dream a reality and pillage and ransack the possessions of the rich.

Our society has become tremendously unfair, and according to those Bolsheviks at Oxfam, this is the year that the richest 1% of citizens will control more wealth than the other 99% combined. They also went on to say the richest 80 people control more money than the poorest 3.5 billion, and even this Libertarian finds that a little crazy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not agitating for some socialist paradise where stupidity would be rewarded and hard work and initiative crushed. Venezuela, Cuba and the Soviet Union have settled that issue pretty definitively for me.

I’m just patiently waiting for the orgy of explosive violence, robbery and conquest.

The U.S. government knows we’re going to get hit with a comet soon, and they’ve been quietly building underground facilities to wait out the worst effects of the impact before crawling out of their holes to reestablish control of the survivors.

I consider that brief window my time to shine, and since I’ve already got plenty of food and ammo to make it through the breakdown of society, I consider it a once in a millennium opportunity to load up on luxury items and rare curiosities.

First stop, the Fabergé egg collection at The Virginia Museum of Fine Arts.