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conservativeman Like most sane people, I don’t believe in man-made climate change. The whole idea is just a cover for business-hating democrats to push their hippy agenda and force us all to drive hybrids and use communal bath-houses.

But, since I’m a greedy Capitalist, a liberal friend asked me an interesting question. If someone paid me, could I think of a way to get everybody to accept it?

I went back and forth and considered a number of different ideas. There were pleas to their conscience, appeals to protect the earth, and even a campaign to make sure their children had a clean and healthy planet to raise kids of their own.

But, after a few days, I realized none of it would work. If I was going to get all of society to accept man’s role in this, I was going to have to break out the big guns. I was going to have to blame it on the Jews.

So listen up liberals. Next time there’s a polar vortex and people mock you for believing in global warming, go on the attack.

Accuse them of being Zionist stooges, and explain that climate change is obviously a Jewish plot to cause world-wide famine and war so they can play one side against the other and reap all the profits.

You might just be surprised by their new-found interest in saving the planet.