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fu Man, this weekend was going to be great. My in-laws were going to watch our terrible children while my wife and I enjoyed two nights at Big Meadows Lodge in beautiful Shenandoah Nation Park.

We planned to do a little apple picking, maybe some hiking, and possibly even hit a nearby craft brewery I heard good things about.

And when the sun set I’d turn the lights down low and fumble around awkwardly under the sheets until she faked an orgasm so we could go to sleep in our comfy little cabin bed.

Unfortunately, there’s a problem. The lodge is closed until further notice because of the government shut-down.

There are two things that really piss me off about this. For one, the goddamned lodge isn’t even run by the government. It’s managed and operated by a private company. The Park Service is forcing them to close just to piss people off so they can win some leverage in this moronic political game.

The second is that real people are getting screwed so some make-believe political party can claim a victory.

Here’s a little newsflash for you. Like a growing segment of the population, I hate the Republicans and Democrats equally, and I wish somehow you both could lose.

Since none of these childish twats can work together, I say we force them to solve their problems playground style. If they don’t have an agreement by midnight, both parties have to head out to the lawn in front of the Capitol and fight it out until one side wins.

If nothing else, it would be nice to see those smug smiles knocked off a few faces.

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