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This May Actually Be Justin Bieber In Drag

This May Actually Be Justin Bieber In Drag

Los Angeles must be a lot like the city of Rome before the collapse of the Empire. A tiny crust of rich men who like to diddle boys have all the power, but they live in a disconnected fantasy world where every step takes them a little farther from reality.

That’s the only explanation I can offer for why Miley Cyrus continues to be displayed on magazine covers and television shows as a modern-day sex symbol.

Oddly enough, under her terrible haircut, boy’s body and fake “punk rock” veneer is a decently hot woman, and based upon the truly terrifying Hannah Montana fan fiction you can find on the Internet, a lot of lonely, strange men agree with me.

But much like Tyra Banks in a fat suit, or Kirstey Alley in an even more believable fat suit, Miley has adopted an unattractive image to combat the superficiality of the modern world and media.

I get that. I really do. But if that’s the case, stop trying to ram down my throat the idea that this is the new sexy because it’s not. She’s a kid playing dress up, and I’m not playing ball.

Real punk rockers like Penelope Houston of The Avengers and Wendy O. Williams of The Plasmatics were irresistible because they were actually punk rock chicks. They might not have had perfect skin or model curves, but you imagined a night with them would be equal parts hard drugs, booze and gonorrhea, and there’s nothing sexier than that.