Marshawn Lynch is a running back for the Seattle Seahawks, and he is going to make over six million dollars this year, but that’s not enough money to keep him from bitching, whining and complaining because he has to talk to reporters during mandatory media sessions.
During yesterday’s Super Bowl media day, Lynch was asked 29 questions, and throughout the session he only mumbled different variations of “I’m just here so I don’t get fined” before walking off the stage at the 4 minute and 51 second mark.
Football is the most popular sport in America, and a large part of that popularity comes from the brilliant way the NFL markets its players. People idolize these imbeciles, buy their gear and want to pretend like they’re approachable because they at least pretend to care.
Much like your doctor gasping when you pull down your pants, these players have to at least give the illusion they give a shit about paying customers, and for that they’re rewarded with fame, adulation and wealth.
Marshawn Lynch doesn’t want to get with the program, but maybe I’m being too hard on him because after all, he is a moron.
All NFL players are given a test called the Wonderlic, and the first time he took it before the NFL combine, he got a score of 14. And in case you’re wondering, that is roughly the same score a janitor should get which is fitting because without the NFL he would be mopping floors for eight bucks an hour.