lion Everywhere I look, news outlets, Twitter feeds and Facebook posts are vilifying some douchebag dentist, Dr. Walter Palmer, who paid $50,000 to go to Africa and hunt a lion with a compound bow.

Normally, no one would give a shit about this, but this lion had a name, so everyone is now up in arms and calling for this guy’s blood.

Noted fat cow and junkie humper, Sharon Osbourne, also tweeted that she hopes Dr. Palmer loses his house, practice and all of his money.

How about this Sharon, I hope you have two hideous, down’s-syndrome looking kids who are such a disappointment, your husband tries to drown his sorrow in pills and booze until only a pickled, barely verbal brain remains. I really, really hope that happens.

Here’s a fun fact about lions, they FUCKING EAT PEOPLE. Lots of people. Over 500 people are attacked by lions every year, and in Tanzania alone, over 600 people have been eaten by them since 1990.

Our great American ancestors wiped out all the wolves and cougars last century so we wouldn’t have to deal with this nonsense, and prior to that, there used to be lions in Europe. Luckily, they too were hunted to extinction, and I applaud those brave men like Hercules who often walked about town with a lion skin draped around their neck.

Lions are Godless ministers of death praying for war, and they can’t be reasoned with, bargained with or appeased. Even in their sleep they dream of nothing but murder, and they must be destroyed.

If you don’t believe me, feel free to prove me wrong. Go to your local zoo, jump in the animal enclosure and give a lion a hug. Just make sure you wear a GoPro so the rest of us can enjoy it, too.

Share