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Robert Linhart is a true hero. He’s a retired member of the New York Fire Department, and during his years of service no doubt saved countless lives. Now, he’s being harassed by a criminal justice system that won’t be satisfied until he’s rotting in a jail cell.

Mr. Linhart is a big Madonna fan, and he was charged with criminal mischief for allegedly leaving messages of adoration on the sidewalk outside of her Upper West Side apartment building. The cops then searched his vehicle, found an icepick, and decided to also charge him with possession of a weapon. For good measure he was also hit with possessing a pocket knife and for resisting arrest.

The case was initially dismissed when the judge ruled prosecutors did not meet speedy trial requirements and bring it to trial within 180 days of the original indictment. However, the lady judge then changed her mind and decided that the rules don’t apply to Madonna, and she’s giving prosecutors an extra 15 days to bring Mr. Linhart to trial.

This is a travesty! Robert Linhart is a lunatic, and he’s our best chance of finally getting rid of Madonna once and for all. He had a sign on top of his SUV that said “Tell me yes or no,” and he’s clearly delusional. He has created a fantasy where he and Madonna are meant to be together, has followed her through Europe, and he is committed to making his crazy dreams a reality.

I have a lot of faith in Mr. Linhart, and I think he’s on the very edge of transforming from creepy stalker to dangerous stalker. Unfortunately, if he’s locked up like some animal, we won’t know for sure. If convicted he will never get a chance to skin Madonna and use her leathery hide to make a stuffed version of her that he can love, hold and I imagine, repeatedly sodomize.

Won’t you cops, lawyers and judges just give Mr. Linhart a fighting chance to make this happen? Is that too much to ask?