France Is Gay

Ending nearly a millennium of speculation, France made it official and came out of the closet yesterday. Citing its long-term relationship with neighboring Belgium, France said it “just wanted to stop answering the same question over and over and wanted to live in a world where I could be myself.”

A few nations like Luxembourg and Monaco have been openly supportive, but much of the world offered a “no comment” when asked what they thought about France’s announcement. A sniggering Germany was heard to remark, “I guess when your citizens spend as much time on their knees as yours, it’s inevitable they start liking it.”

In a move that has surprised no one, Italy openly condemned the announcement and threatened to increase border controls between the two countries.

“Look,” Italy said while puffing out its chest and flexing. “I don’t care what that fanuk does behind closed doors, but if he starts making out in front of my kids, or tries to push his agenda on Corsica, I just hope his medical bills are paid.”