This baby gets it

James Twyman is from Portland, Oregon, and for you cynics who think all Portlanders are just brain-addled hippies with more goodwill than good sense, Mr. Twyman plans to prove you 100% correct.

He is going to take his guitar and wholesome melodies over to Israel, sneak into Syria and then into ISIS-occupied Syrian territory and play a concert to spread his message of peace through song.

I know this sounds insane, because it is, but William Congreve did famously remark that music has charms to soothe a savage breast, and this would be an excellent way to disprove that old saying once and for all.

Those kill-joys over at the State Department have also warned Mr. Twyman that he is almost certainly going to be gruesomely murdered for doing this, but he isn’t going to let common sense, reason or even these warnings put him off from his dream – which I almost have to assume is to be sodomized and burned alive inside a cage while frothing Jihadists cheer.

You can visit Twyman’s website here, and his come-hither smile and endearing pedophile-like leer have almost convinced me this can be done. Maybe a group of Christians, Jews and Muslims can actually sing songs of unity and heal this troubled region.

On a side note, can you buy life insurance on someone without their consent because I’ve blown all my money on Powerball tickets and this seems like a fairly straight forward way to recoup my losses?