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In these tough economic times, many people are worried about their job security. Everybody would like to be their own boss, but the high cost of starting a business frightens many of them off. Here are five careers you can start tomorrow on a shoestring:

Pimp – Pimpin’ ain’t easy, but it isn’t exactly hard either. To get started all you need is a steady pimp hand, a purple velvet hat and a few street-corner maidens you can turn out. Once your team is assembled, all you have to do is pick them up and collect the profits.

Foster Parent – This may be the least glamorous job on our list, but it does have an upside of being lucrative. And, if you’re a pedophile, it has fringe benefits as well. Many states pay over $1,000 a month per child, and the more screwed up the kid, the more money you make. If you take in a few gimps and a few older kids to watch them, you can be making six figures in no time.

Drug Dealer – Being a drug dealer embodies everything that’s great about being self-employed. You can make great money, set your own hours, and getting high at work isn’t so much frowned upon as expected.

Thief – Rich people have nice things, and your job is to take those things. Every town has nice neighborhoods, and these will be your new workplace. I recommend you buy a white van, get a uniform like the one worn by your local utility company and then go help yourself to all those things you can’t afford but still know you deserve.

Porn Director – For some reason prostitution is illegal, but paying someone to have sex and then filming it is ok. All of the major niches have been filled, so you’ll have to do something really different to catch the public’s eye. My recommendation, pay homeless people to screw and call your site Cum Bums. Last time I checked, www.cumbums.com is still available.

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