homer-simpson-underwear-superman If you think people are getting dumber you’re probably right because it seems consumers forked over millions to buy caffeine laced undergarments because of claims they would make them thin.

Last Monday the FTC announced that two clothing companies, Norm Thomson Outfitters and Wacoal America Inc., agreed to refund a combined $1.5 million to the morons who bought their caffeine-infused shapewear because the claims it helped reduce cellulite and fat were nonsense.

Were you supposed to eat the underwear? Caffeine will increase metabolism if consumed, but holding it against your skin is about as effective as washing your face in coffee.

I understand the FTC has an important mission, but I think they should focus more on products that pose an actual risk.

If some dumbass is stupid enough to buy boxers laced with Miracle Grow because he thinks that’ll make his dick bigger, that’s on him and he doesn’t need the government acting as a surrogate for his non-existent common sense.

We’ve gone down a dangerous path by trying to child-proof the country because idiots are always going to do idiotic shit. It’s literally in their DNA, and no amount of governmental baby gates and outlet covers are going to protect them from themselves.

If anything, the gene cesspool needs a good flush, and we should legalize drugs and relax governmental safety oversight for a while and let evolution sort a few things out.

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