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death-penalty-ohio Dennis McGuire was a piece of human garbage and on January 16th the great state of Ohio finally took out the trash. He was executed by lethal injection.

In 1989 McGuire kidnapped a woman who was eight months pregnant. He couldn’t rape her vaginally because her pregnant stomach blocked his little penis, so he anally raped her. When he was done, he stabbed her and slashed her throat killing her and her unborn baby.

He was finally arrested for the crime in 1993 after unsuccessfully trying to pin it on his brother-in-law, and he has spent roughly the last 20 years on death row.

His family, aided by death penalty opponents, is now suing because the drugs used to execute this piece of filth weren’t clinically tested which is strange because it seems like Dennis made a pretty good guinea pig to me. His family also alleges he suffered during the execution, and this amounted to “cruel and unusual punishment.”

Since big drug companies don’t want to make the drugs to execute convicts for fear of the backlash from countries without capital punishment, we might have to start thinking outside the box to ensure scum like Dennis McGuire is forever washed from the streets.

The Constitution protects people from cruel and unusual punishment, so we’ll just have to start executing them cruelly or unusually; but we can’t do both.

Personally, I like the idea of unusual punishments, and this is a concept we could integrate into all of our civic holidays.

On July 4th we could strap a few death row inmates to a rocket so spectators could watch with delight as it explodes with showers of sparks and little bits of rapists, murderers and pedophiles.

Or, we could dress them up as turkeys and hunt them for Thanksgiving. There really are no bad ideas here.