This picture has it all

This picture has it all

According to legend, whenever someone calls you a Fascist on Facebook, an aborted Planned Parenthood fetus gets its wings. I’m not sure if that’s actually true, but I am sure about one thing; the people most active on Facebook are fucking lunatics and don’t represent a healthy cross-section of society.

That chick from high school who got pregnant at 17 and now sells wraps is on there, as is the fat loser who lives alone in a one bedroom apartment but somehow has the whole world figured out, but chances are the guy who fixes your car isn’t.

I’d even go out on a limb and say if you work a useful trade like plumber, farmer or liquor store proprietor, you probably spend very little time on that stupid site.

Personally, I only go on there to ogle swimsuit pictures of acquaintances and/or people I’m stalking, and the idea of engaging in a lively political discourse with a rogues gallery of evolutionary dead-ends, religious nuts, effeminate men and manly women has never crossed my mind.

There’s a small segment of the population that honestly believes others give a fuck they just had a great workout, bought a new car or met a guy online and then chased him through the woods while throwing walnuts at his anus.

Newsflash, you’re not that special.  I pay people to let me throw walnuts at their anuses, too, and your delusions of both adequacy and interest are in no way borne out by reality.

Every single Facebook post should either be funny, show cleavage or preferably both. If you’re a 45-year-old woman who just lost a ton of weight and is now posting wrinkly boob shots for compliments, you’re awesome and doing God’s work.

The rest of you can fuck off.