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Do not listen to that paperclip, sire.  He is full of lies.

Do not listen to that paperclip, sire. He is full of lies.

Being an American is awesome. We never stopped spouting that liberty and justice nonsense, but we’ve somehow morphed into being the spoiled rich kid from every 80s movie. And the only thing we like more than combing our feathered hair or doing burnouts in our bitchin’ Corvette is pushing around chumps.

Sometimes, we don’t even know why we do it. We bombed the shit out of Serbia when they attacked Muslims, and then we turned around and attacked Muslims across the globe.

Just for giggles, we seem to be portraying the secular leader of Syria as a murderous dictator, but the beheading videos, chemical attacks and crimes against religious minorities are being carried out by the fake freedom fighters opposing him.

For an extra laugh, we even pretend these rebels aren’t the same terrorists we’re fighting everywhere else in the world.

The truth is the U.S. government has no more of a clue about what it’s doing in international affairs than it does domestically, and our leaders need to settle the fuck down with North Korea and stop escalating this conflict.

China is already massing troops on the North Korean border, and who knows what they’re planning. In the winter of 1950 about a quarter of a million screaming Chinamen launched a surprise attack against the American troops who invaded North Korea, and I’d probably try to avoid a repeat performance of that.

Then again, if Armageddon occurs, at least I won’t have to go to work. So there’s always that.